Where can you find a 300-inch screen?
"Here, honey, have another croissant."
"Oh thank you, but I'm full."
"Really, I insist. You're looking so skinny."
"Are you kidding me? Ever since Christmas you've been plying me with pastries. I've probably gained a few inches in my waist already."
"Yes, and you have many more to go before you reach 300 inches."
"Wait, what?"
"Oh no. I was supposed to say that ominously under my breath. Well, now that the cat's out of the bag I might as well tell you. Remember that Optoma 1080p projector you got me for Christmas?"
"Yes."
"Well, it's powerful enough to project onto a 300" screen, but we don't have large white area in the house big enough, but then I thought: 'What about Jessica's stomach?'"
"WHAT??"
"Calm down, calm down, you misunderstand. I wanted to get you fat enough so I could display my favorite movies, sports, and games on your lilly-white abdomen."
"I didn't misunderstand you at all. That's disgusting and degrading."
"Just think about it though: You'd be the centerpiece of the most impressive home theater in the neighborhood! Everybody would come on Sunday to watch the big game on YOUR big belly."
"OK, I have thought about it. And I still hate everything about this idea. You were intentionally fattening me up like a veal calf in order to turn me into a walking movie screen."
"What do you mean? You should feel honored to have 1700 lumens of HD perfection projected onto your 300-inch-wide body."
"Well I'm not, and it's never going to happen. However, I will now eat that croissant to make myself feel better."
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